Lonely Lullaby Read online

  “It’s nice to meet you, too,” I said politely.

  “No,” Kai whined, and I turned to find him scowling at Ace, a spoon pointed in his friend’s direction. “No sweet talking my jagiya.”

  Ace looked at Kai in amusement. “Jagiya?”

  Brooke showed up then with the biggest Cheshire-cat grin on her face. She had our four plates balanced precariously across her arms, and she set them down carefully on the table.

  “I’m guessing the omelet is for you?” She placed a fluffy yellow omelet in front of Ace.

  “Yes, thank you.”

  She nodded. “Would you like anything to drink?”

  “Some water would be great.” He unwrapped his utensils from his napkin.

  “I’ll be right back with your water, then.” Brooke left us alone once more.

  I struggled sitting still with the amount of energy going on around me. I grabbed my water again and took a sip, being careful not to spill it.

  Kai eyed me with worry. “You okay? Don’t worry. Ace doesn’t bite.”

  Christian scoffed lightly and began digging into his food. With his mouth full, he added, “It’s not good to lie, Kai.”

  I almost spit out my water, my eyes darting to peek at Ace, trying to figure out if I should be worried or not. What if he had rabies or something?

  The corners of Ace’s lips lifted into a minuscule smile as he carefully cut his omelet into even pieces. He remained quiet though, choosing to take a bite of his omelet instead of commenting on the subject. Something silver at his neck caught the light. I cocked my head, curious about his necklace, but his shirt hid it.

  Christian and Kai chuckled, and it was then I noticed several eyes on our table.

  A couple girls at a nearby table giggled frantically, their eyes continuously making their way to the three men at my table. I knew the guys were attractive and all, but the girls should have at least tried to be a little more subtle.

  They whispered together before one of them, a girl with short, brown hair and blue eyes headed over to hover next to Kai. He looked up with blissful eyes, his mouth chewing happily on a large bite of his black pudding.

  I wondered if he knew how we made black pudding.

  “Hey,” she practically squeaked at him. “I’m a huge fan of yours. Can I get your autograph?” She held out a pen and the café’s paper napkin for him. Kai smiled, taking them from her.

  “Of course,” he replied smoothly, scribbling on the napkin. He finished signing the napkin and handed it back to the girl. “Anything for a fan.”

  She giggled and hurried back to her wide-eyed friend. I turned my attention back to Kai with raised brows, wondering what was going on.

  “A fan?”

  I glanced around at Christian and Ace to see if they were offering to clear up my confusion. Christian shrugged, but Ace kept his attention on Kai, a small frown on his lips. Kai ignored him and grinned over at me.

  “Yep. I’m pretty famous.” He winked, though he said it in such a way that I had a hard time deciphering whether he meant it or was just teasing. But he had to be since the girls had come over and asked for an autograph.

  What was he famous for?

  Shaking my head, I figured it wasn’t important if they hadn’t mentioned it to me yet. If they didn’t want to tell me something, I could respect that. I had secrets, too.

  “So, Tessa, are you going to come to the concert?” Christian prodded, and both Ace and Kai focused their attention on me.

  I looked at them all, wanting to say yes, but Whitney came first. Maybe I could bring her? “What sort of concert is it?”

  “Rock.” Christian stabbed a piece of sausage with the prongs of his fork.

  I cleared my throat as I considered the best way to word my next question. “Would it be suitable for an almost-nine-year-old?”

  Kai laughed, leaning back into the seat as he gave me an appraising look. “Your sister is nine?”

  “Well, almost.”

  Christian’s expression turned thoughtful. “It shouldn’t be bad for her. Things get a little loud, but you won’t have any issues with mosh pits or anything with the tickets we gave you.” He shrugged. “I think she’d be fine, but that’s up to you.”

  “Are you babysitting her tomorrow, or today, whatever you want to consider it?” Kai took a sip of his water.

  “Not exactly.” I nibbled on my scone, letting the flaky pastry settle on my taste buds. “I take care of her.”

  Ace raised a pale eyebrow. “You’re her primary caregiver?”

  I nodded. “I adopted her when I was eighteen.”

  Christian whistled. “Wow, that must be hard.”

  “Eh, not really. She’s a great kid,” I said with a soft smile. “I’ll see if she would want to go to the concert.” After our talk this morning, I could guess she’d be all for going, though.

  “Great!” Kai grinned. “I think you’ll like it. And maybe, if you’re up for it, we can hang out this week before the concert.”

  Christian tapped his finger on the side of his glass. “Plus, we just haven’t been here very long, and it would be nice to have a local help show us around. Even though Ollie used to live here, he’s completely worthless.” He smiled kindly. “You don’t need to, though, if you’re stressed or busy.”

  I could probably do that. We’d have to see how I felt this week after the appointment, though.

  “I can text you guys this week, and we can see. Whitney would probably like to go out and do something.”

  Kai smiled. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Chapter 6

  Dr. Jensen leaned forward onto his knees. “Hey, sweetie. Why don’t you wait out in the hall?” he asked Whitney. “I’m pretty sure Charlotte has some balloons today. You might get her to make you another frog.”

  Whitney’s eyes lit up, and she nodded before leaving the room.

  I turned back to Dr. Jensen with dread in my heart. “So?”

  He sighed and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m going to be frank with you, Tessa. It doesn’t look good.” My stomach dropped, and my panic threatened to claw up my throat. “The test lab results show signs of regressing. Her oxygen levels are dangerously low, and it’s beginning to cause cyanosis. For a while, the medications seemed to be helping her defect, but…” He shook his head in dismay. “At this rate, there’s not much we can do. Her body is barely keeping up.”

  My heart withered and sank. “Isn’t there something?”

  He sighed again. “Well, she needs a heart transplant, but it’s not like we have hearts on hand.”

  I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “How long?” I peered up into his sympathetic gaze. “How long does she have?”

  “Without a heart transplant?” He shook his head, sorrow filling his gaze. “My guess would be a few months. Maybe more.”

  A strangled cry escaped my lips, and I cradled my head in my hands as if it would help keep me from falling to fractured pieces. A few months? No, I needed more time. She needed more time.

  “She isn’t gone yet,” he reminded me. “She’s still on the transplant list. Don’t give up.”

  Nodding, I stood, knowing I needed to get out of there before I broke down in front of him. His office was now suffocating. “Thank you for your time,” I said in a clipped tone.

  “Don’t give up hope, Ms. Pearson,” he called after me, but I let the door slam shut with a loud click.

  Whitney wasn’t outside, but her giggles came from around the corner. I needed time to collect myself anyway; I couldn’t let her see the tears swimming in my eyes.

  It wasn’t like I hadn’t known this was a possibility. Each new negative test result and every fresh scar from her most recent surgery only sealed her fate further.

  But there had always been a glimpse of hope.

  I knocked my head against the wall, hardly feeling the tender spot from where I’d hit it the night previous, and more tears filled my vision. Nurses and doctors passed by without a glan
ce, probably used to seeing displays like mine. Machines chirped and beeped from behind closed doors, and the overwhelming smell of hand sanitizer permeated the hallway.

  Oh, how I hated the smell of hand sanitizer.

  My legs felt like lead weights and dragged me down to the ground. I stared unseeing as the panic gripped greedily at my lungs, causing each breath to come out in a shallow pant.

  There had to be a way to help her, right? She had to be okay.

  The panic cocooned my mind, blocking out all other feelings and thoughts.

  She wasn’t going to die, right?

  Whitney’s smiling face flitted behind my eyelids, her skin healthy and her brown eyes radiant as the sun glistened down like heavenly beams over her small body. Her plump cheeks held a rosy hue, and a sweet giggle bubbled from her lips while she spun in giddy circles.

  Why couldn’t she have that? Why couldn’t she be like other healthy children. She didn’t deserve this pain.

  I gasped in a ragged breath as sobs threatened to break free from my lips, but I bit my lip to hold them at bay.

  She was strong. We’d figure something out.

  Once I’d collected myself enough, I followed the trail of giggles until I found my sister. With a purple balloon crown adorning her head, she cradled a green balloon frog in her arms. Charlotte, a volunteer who came around to the hospital to make balloon animals and accessories for the children’s ward, was currently tying a white balloon sword.

  I’d tell Whitney what Dr. Jensen had said—but not right now.

  Whitney grinned merrily up at me. “Look what Charlotte made for me.”

  I chuckled, though it fell a little short. “That’s awesome. You even have a sword.”

  She nodded and swished the fake sword through the air with a dangerous squeak. “Yep. ’Cause every princess needs a sword to fight the dragons.”

  We thanked Charlotte and headed back to the bus stop. Whitney’s new latex accessories squeaked the entire way down.

  I could wait to tell her the news until later tonight. I needed one last day to pretend everything was okay.

  But it wasn’t.

  Chapter 7

  After we arrived home from the hospital, I cooked up some sloppy joes and switched on a Harry Potter movie for us to watch. If she knew something was wrong, Whitney never mentioned it. Instead, we snuggled on the couch and escaped our reality for the rest of the day as we had a Harry Potter marathon.

  I didn’t want to tell her what Dr. Jensen said, but as the last closing credits rolled down the screen, I couldn’t put it off any longer. “Hey, Whit?”

  At my serious tone, she lifted her head off my shoulder. “Yeah?”

  Taking a breath for courage, I took one of her hands in mine. “I need to talk to you about what happened at Dr. Jensen’s today. You see, he told me some bad news.”

  Her face paled, and she fidgeted inside the blanket wrapped around her. “What kind of bad news?” While her voice came out strong, I detected notes of fear in her words.

  Tears gathered in my eyes, but I willed them away. Seeing me cry wouldn’t help anything. It would only make things harder for Whitney. “He told me the treatments aren’t helping much anymore,” I confessed, my voice raspy. “Without a transplant, he doesn’t know if you’ll make it to the end of the year.”

  She didn’t cry, though her slender shoulders slumped in silent defeat. “There’s nothing we can do?”

  That one question broke my heart, shattering it into unmatchable pieces. I couldn’t answer her, not without breaking down, so I shook my head.

  Whitney lurched forward, snaking her arms over my shoulders and nuzzling her face against my neck. Still, she didn’t say anything, and I rocked her as silent sobs shook her body and tears soaked my shirt.

  “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, squeezing me tight. “No matter what, it’s going to be okay.”

  A noise, like the mix of a laugh and a sob, tumbled from my lips. “You’re right. It will. I’m never giving up.”

  Pulling back, she grinned at me with wet cheeks and red eyes. “Same.”

  For the rest of the week, we returned to our normal routines, but there was a shift in our lives. No longer did we worry so much about being frugal. If Whitney eyed a Snickers bar, we bought her that Snickers bar. If Whitney wanted to spend the day playing at the park, I let her.

  Kai, Christian, and occasionally Ace stopped buy the bar on the nights I worked throughout the next week. A few times, Kai brought up the concert coming up on Saturday. I told him I still wasn’t sure if Whitney and I were going, probably because I had yet to ask her.

  But when Saturday morning came, I took Whitney out to the grocery store where we spent hours and an abnormal amount of money on comfort foods and treats.

  On the bus ride home, I turned to Whitney with a wide smile. “Hey, why don’t we stop and get some ice cream before we head home?”

  She looked at me curiously. “Aren’t you tired? I thought you wanted to nap.”

  I shrugged, stroking my fingers over the screen of my phone on my lap. It kept buzzing with new messages, most likely from Kai or Christian, and I tried my best to ignore it. I told them I would make sure to give them my answer about the concert today.

  “We can still do both, but ice cream sounds yummy.” I winked at her. “Though, if you don’t want to...”

  I let the sentence hang in the air, and she quickly shook her head. “No! I want some. I do!”

  Chuckling, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “That’s what I thought.”

  We stopped by an ice cream parlor and shared a bowl of Moose Tracks, her favorite. We deserved it this week.

  After the sugar rush, I sat back against the booth seat with a contented sigh. “Man, that was good.”

  Whitney hummed in agreement as she licked any remaining ice cream off her plastic spoon.

  “So, Whitters,” I began hesitantly, “what do you want to do tonight?”

  She wiped her sticky fingers on her dirty napkin, unsuccessfully cleaning them. “Um, I don’t know. Why?”

  “Well.” I grabbed fresh napkin and handed it to her. “I got a couple free tickets to a concert tonight, if you’re interested?”

  She peered up at me with large, brown eyes. “A concert?”

  Whitney knew I had been texting some new friends this past week, but she still hadn’t met them.

  Kai had kept me updated on things he’d seen with his friends or just asking about how my day was going. At first, it was fine, and I enjoyed his random texts and selfies. It wasn’t until I started receiving them at two in the morning that I reflected on what a poor choice it might’ve been to give him my number.

  “Mhm. Those guys I was telling you about invited us.”

  She grinned a cheeky smile. “Are they cute?”

  Rolling my eyes, I placed the empty paper bowl in the trash. “Maybe.”

  She shrugged and zipped her coat up to her chin as we exited the parlor. It was a short distance to the café, so we would just walk back. “I think it sounds fun. I’ve never been to a concert.”

  My hand gripped hers as we strolled down the street. “I only want to go if you want to, though.”

  Grinning, she nodded. “Let’s go. What kind of concert is it?”

  “Rock,” I said with a smirk. She usually preferred hip hop or country.

  She wrinkled her nose. “Ew.”

  I laughed and squeezed her hand. “It will still be fun. Apparently, they have a couple talented members.”

  “Whatever you say.” We paused at a crosswalk while we waited for the light to turn green. “What do we wear to a rock concert?”

  “Um, clothes?” I asked, and she giggled.

  “Duh.” She rolled her eyes while we crossed the street. “But aren’t you supposed to wear fancy clothes to concerts?”

  I scratched the back of my head with a slight frown. “Hm, I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask the guys.”

  We reached the ca
fé and headed up the stairs to our apartment.

  “Are they coming with us?” she asked while I unlocked the door.

  Ushering her into the apartment, I kicked off my shoes. “Yes. They also wanted to hang out today before the concert. They’re new to town and asked if we could show them around downtown.”

  She smiled. “Okay.” She shrugged her jacket off onto the couch. “What time?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I wanted to make sure you were up for it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, Sissy. I want to go.”

  “Okay.” I slipped out of my shoes. “I’ll text them and tell them we can hang out after we take a nap. Sound good?” But she was already ahead of me, crossing the room to the bed.

  I pulled out my phone and pulled up Kai’s and my messages.

  Tessa: Hey! Count us in for the concert tonight.

  It only took a minute for him to reply.

  Kai: Awesome! :) Are you up for playing tour guide this afternoon? I can’t hang out until later, but I know Ace and Ollie still have stuff they want to get for tonight.

  He wasn’t going to come? I frowned as I typed out a response.

  Tessa: No worries. Whitney and I will show them around, but we’re gonna take a nap first. I’ll still see you at the concert, right?

  Kai: ;) Of course!

  Kai sent me one more text to let me know Oliver would come pick us up in a couple hours. So, after setting an alarm, I crawled into bed after Whitney, holding her close because I needed the comfort of feeling her next to me.

  She smelled like her cucumber-and-melon shower gel, and I inhaled it deeply, letting it slowly lull me to sleep. Even though it had been a week since the news, my heart was shot, and I didn’t know how to staunch the flood of pain. Maybe making friends with the guys would be good for both of us. They could serve as distractions for a little while.

  Silent tears skittered down my cheeks, landing quietly on the pillowcase.

  What was I going to do?

  A frantic whacking noise woke me up. I opened my eyes slowly, still disoriented from sleep.